For me it's living in the city. I look all around me - at my neighbors in the apartment next to me, the couple who walks together everyday down my street, the JW's that market my neighborhood weekly, the crazy kid speeding through my neighborhood in his junky sports car - and it's normal. Life is normal for them. They aren't bothered by the endless apartments and houses, the electric lines, the lack of privacy or open fields. No one seems bothered that they don't have a yard or a garden. And that's when I wonder - "Doesn't anybody else feel out of place here?" "Am I the only one who struggles with this?"
My heart aches -until it physically hurts - for the country. Sometimes I lay on my apartment floor and look out the window so all I can see are the tree tops and clouds and dream that nothing else is out there. I cry, I get depressed, I sulk. And then I dream and plan and hope that I'll get used to it, or that another way will be provided."
Yes, it's that bad. This is something I fight every single day. We all have things that we struggle with and unfortunately a lot of people don't understand our feelings toward those struggles.
But I don't say all of that for you to feel bad for me. I say it so you can relate to how I feel about my struggles. And then I want to twist the table on you (and me) and ask: How can I have a yearning like that for God? I grew up in the country, I've had it ingrained in me for more than 20 years. There are a lot of people who haven't had the chance to grow up in a Christian environment and even those who have, still find it hard to yearn for God. So how do we yearn for God? The Writers of Psalms seemed to think on this question frequently:
Psalm 119:20 "My soul is crushed with longing after Your ordinances at all times."
Psalm 73:25 "Whom have I in Heaven but You?And besides You, I desire nothing on earth."
Psalm 42:2 "My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?"
Psalm 63:1 "O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
Psalm 143:6 "I stretch out my hands to You; my soul longs for You, as a parched land. Selah."
The more you have something, the more you get used to it, expect it, and need it. The first step to a desire for God is to make it a habit in your life. Wether that be to read a written prayer, read a portion - however short of long - of scripture, go to church, take notes in church, attend sunday school... whatever that step needs to be, take it. Make it a habit. Make it expected by yourself, your family, your neighbors. Make it needful for life.
Sarah
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